Saturday, 19 July 2008

What has David done for me?

ArchAngel Keds over on fanblast has been putting together a book titled 'What has David done for you' which she is handing to David at tonight's show. I had been planning on making a similair post when the tour was over but I saw this as a prime opportunity to reveal all. This post is very personal and quite revealing but its something I needed to say. I wrote this at 3am last night after reading many other stories from posters over at IDF. So here goes.

Before the discovery of David, I was far away from where I wanted to be as a person. I was lost, unhappy, unhealthy and just plain lazy. My teenage years have not been the easiest, mentally. When I was 13 years old, we moved as a family out of the communal village where I lived with all my friends to a different, smaller place about 20 miles away where I knew no one but I continued to attend the same school. Leaving that village gradually over time produced feelings of isolation due to seeing everyone alot less than they saw each other leading to insecurities which led me to do some very stupid things when i was 14 and I lost alot of friends over it (luckily all of which I have back now) and gradually destroyed everything productive I was doing in my life.

Before this time, without trying to sound big headed or cocky, I was a pretty special kid. I was constantly being put forward by my school for outside courses designed for unusually intelligent kids and was performing exceptionally in school . I was playing 1st Clarinet in the Mid-Sussex Youth Orchestra at 11 years old, the next youngest person in that whole orchestra let alone 1st Clarinet was 15, most of the 1st Clarinet players were 16 or 17. I had just picked up the guitar at that point and I had really found a home in that instrument. I was also vice-captain of our towns Rugby team and we were one of the best teams in the south of England. I had quite alot going for me but most importantly I was happy, just 100% happy. When I look back on those days the only thing I feel is joy. But these feelings of Isolation destroyed all of that. Its so hard growing up and being part of a social circle when you constantly feel like the outsider, always being left out of things and Its been with me from 13 till now, almost 19 years of age.

By the time I was 15, I had given up and stopped everything I was doing. I had given up the Clarinet, stopped having Saxophone lessons, quit Rugby and was reduced to playing the guitar alone in my bedroom. My school grades had slipped massively and everything was just stopping. I was underachieving so badly. My whole person had become diminished. I just felt lost, lazy, unhappy and it was impacting everything in my life, relationships with my family included. I seeked pleasures in things that were pointless or unhealthy and I had completely lost sense of who I am. I worried day in and day out about things and friends and relationships and I didnt care about alot of things that really mattered and it ended up destroying everything I had achieved. It even destroyed the one and only romantic relationship ive ever truly had when I was 16. All I wanted was to feel part of something that was going on around me, I longed for it really badly but I never EVER went about the right way of dealing with it. It was like a downward spiral I couldnt escape from. I needed to get over everything and start living but I simply couldn't because I always felt so isolated and alone. I always had 'friends' but it was like half-arsed friends. You know when you feel like something is wrong, if you think someone is doesn't really care about you that much but you want them too? It felt like that but with everyone. I never felt like I truly belong'd anywhere Until David came along.

I discovered David on youtube towards the end of February and it changed everything. I picked up on everything straight away, his talent, his passion and his personality. I knew this kid was special. I guess the thing that draws me too him most, is I sort of see part of myself in him, but myself when I was young. Im not as talented as David and were not exactly the same personality wise and I cant sing but his whole attitude and everything he is doing and he has done reminds me of myself when i was young and what I should be doing with my life. What I saw in David was true and utter fulfillment and desire to be everything he can possibly be. He inspired me to get off my arse and start doing the same. I would look in the mirror after seeing David and think 'Wow where did I go wrong?! I could have done so much more!'. For the first time since I was 13 years of age I actually have the motivation to get out there and do something worthwhile and just try and go for my dreams. Thats what its about for me. I see this boy, with enormous talent, but he has worked so hard for it. You cannot fault him for that, he deserves every little last bit he is getting now for the effort he has put in. And thanks to him, I now have that same attitude. His attitude is flawless.

He has inspired me to stop looking at myself negatively and blaming others or myself for things that have gone wrong or where I have failed, but instead to discover myself, faults included and learn to play to your strengths whilst recognizing your weaknesses at the same time. You will be happy that way, as yourself is all you can ever be. David taught me that. No one is perfect. David often talks about things hes not good at but my gosh, look at how he focusses on his strengths like singing or schoolwork and works so hard at them, he works to achieve his very very best. That very switch of perspective has changed my whole outlook on life. I feel so much happier because of it and everyone has noticed around me, friends, family, everyone. Many things have changed for the good since I took Davids outlook on life, and for the first time I am dealing with my issues how I should have always done.

David has taught me more and inspired me more than any other single person ever has, just by being himself. I look to other people to show me the way, its part of my nature and David really has and continues to do. Whenever I feel down or upset or I feel im doing something wrong, I listen to a song of his and BAM my day is turned around. His ability to make me feel happy and inspired is amazing.

If you discover yourself, believe in yourself, go for your dreams and stay positive you can achieve whatever you want. David taught me that. Its changed everything for me. I havnt felt this good for a very long time and its all thanks to David. When I get to see him on September 6th in Bridgeport, it will be a seminal moment of my life so far. Maybe you can all see why I have spent 750 pounds/1400 dollars to see him now

So yea, thank you David. I owe you everything.

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